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[ 8/21/2006 at 6 pm] |
hahaha i can't wait to go home and see my favorite people, party, get my nose pierced
& finally go get my tattoo. I came to accept the fact you want to "forget about our relationship" and I guess I'm in the process of doing the same.
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[ 8/21/2006 at 11 am] |
something so good ended so fast. I can't sit around and cry over it anymore because its going to change nothing. I need to go home, go home and see my friends, go home and smoke a fat blunt, go home and drink until I die. I might as well enjoy the last 2 weeks of summer as a single girl rather then laying on my bed crying and puking over something that wasnt meant to be.
thank you for this summer, you made me happy for a long time and i appreciate it.
& i think its pretty ironic that the only two guys I actually completely opened up to and fell for are both from connecticut and both times I'm the only one who got hurt, I should've learned. Theres alot of good guys on longisland who will treat me good, i'm going to start actually giving people a chance.
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[ 8/20/2006 at 11 pm] |
My heart feels like it is about to be spit out of my chest, my eyes feel like they are going to explode, my head is about to burst & I am constantly nauseas.
I can't deal with this now, when it actually happens I'm probably going to breakdown and be a complete mess. No one understands that this is the worst thing that anyone can ever go through.
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[ 8/20/2006 at 4 pm] |
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This little trip away from longisland and everyone is pretty wonderful. Just been absorbing the sun, shopping, and being pampered like a little princess. haha whats better then that? I arrive home on wed around 230 then I have Heathers birthday thing for the next few days. I'm pretty excited because it's probably the best thing to come home to. We're taking a limo to the city, going to fancy restaurants, staying in a fancy hotel, going to six flags, its pretty much a weekend of partying with my best friends. It pretty much sucks because during the hotel party everyone will be drinking and I'm on a diet. I'm pretty proud of myself. I totally stopped smoking weed, I drink occassionally and I finally have my heart set on something. My hair is finally growing again, I'm actually starting to feel good about myself and starting to be happy about the way I look. Today a group of people came up to me and asked if ever considered being a model. My face lit up with excitement and I smiled. The only part of this trip I hate is not being able to see Joe. Only a few more days until I see him muhahaha.
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[ 8/19/2006 at 8 pm] |
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i keep trying to tell myself "everything will be okay".
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[ 8/18/2006 at 11 pm] |
 </a>
Flying alone wasnt too bad i guess. I was nervous I was going to die and never see anyone again, but I didn't thank god. This week should be good and relaxing, it will consist of the beach, shopping, and the spa.
November 14th
Nfg, The Early November, Cartel & Hit the Lights
wowowowowowow I'm so excited.
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[ 8/17/2006 at 1 pm] |
 </a>
Saw joe lastnight since tomorrow I'm going to florida for 5 days. It was good, I love him alotalot and i pretty much hate that I won't be able to see him for a week but whatever. When I come home its ash&joe entire week together. woooo! My goal is to go from a size 5 jeans to a size 0 by november. I've been doing good. I'm going to nap since these percasets me and jess took at like 4am lastnight are still making me completely drousy and shit, then packing & going for a good old run. I have an appointment to get my tattoo on saturday but i pretty much grew out of the entire tattoo loving days.
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[ 8/16/2006 at 1 am] |
so gross. i'm on a diet, me and jess are starting to workout together & run everynight ok bye.
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[ 8/15/2006 at 3 am] |
Choosing not to dance this summer was probably the worst decision of my life. Blah dance is probably the only thing that has me excited for september.
I think I'm going to start working on my modeling portfolio soon.
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[ 8/13/2006 at 1 am] |
August is probably the best month of summer so far.
( more pictures )
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[ 8/11/2006 at 3 am] |
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Tonight was one of my favorite nights of summer. Drove around aimlessly with Alex, Paul, Nick, Kristyn, Heather & Kristine listing to brandnew, then went to Longbeach and went swimming under the stars. It was so good I can't even explain.
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[ 8/10/2006 at 12 am] |
mmm my bed smells like you & i never want this smell to go away. tonight was too short and i miss you so much already. i love you i love you i love you joe merturi.
btw i can't stop listening to the early novembers new cd, its so fucking good.
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[ 8/7/2006 at 2 am] |
Getting lost going to the abandon kings park mental asylum, driving down the LIE with my best friends blasting music with the top down and wind blowing through our hair, going to dunkin donuts and watching kristine in a random dance off and stripping, coming back to kristyns pigging out and staying with my bestfriends, tonight was so uneventful but soso good.
I can't explain anything lately. I'm soso happy but at the same time I am not. I want to see my boyfriend so much more before he goes to college, i want to be able to wake up next to him everyday because waking up next to him and being able to be with him the second i wake up is my favorite thing in the entire world. This college thing is really getting to me, Distance is hard enough and now it will just get worse. I'm scared he'll forget about me and fall inlove with some girl in boston. I don't want him ever out of my life and the thought of him even being with anyone besides me is unbearable. I sound like a fucking complete cornball right now but I don't understand why the second something good enters my life it can be gone so so quickly. For the first time I actually LOVE someone and knowing I can't be with them is absolutely terrible. My life just sucks I guess.
Last night was phono's going away party before he leaves for college. It was a good night, I blackedout most of the night do to funneling willy and taking too many shots of disgusting rasberry georgi. Tomorrow is heathers birthay, Tuesday is sam co's birthday, and Friday is sarahs party. This week is going to be so good unless I don't see Joe.
Sorry about my little meaningless rants, I'm going to watch tv or something since everyone fell asleep on me.
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[ 8/5/2006 at 1 am] |
Hanging out with sarah tonight made me realize why i loved last summer so much. I seriously don't know what went through my mind to cause me not to still be bestfriends with her. I'm just happy we're hanging out again :-D. Warped tour is going to be so bad, I don't know why any of you guys wasted your money to go. I miss my joey.
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[ 8/3/2006 at 2 am] |
my night was so goddamn funny. I totally lied, Nothing beats getting hammered with the bestbuddies and going to apples for half off appetizers after 10.
( pics )
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[ 8/1/2006 at 1 pm] |
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its august. which means in a month school starts, in a month my boyfriend leaves for college, in a month my miserable year will begin. september please don't come too quickly.
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[ 7/30/2006 at 7 pm] |
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a friendship slowly deteoriates. a hand that pushes us apart. i remember when you were the one, that i would turn to. when nothing you had thought was wrong, we were the invincible ones.thanks for the memories now that you're gone. what the fuck should i think when you let everything get in your way? so much holds you down so much holds you back. are you the same? maybe i've changed. now we're stuck together, and our hatred grows stronger for each other. and it tears me apart knowing you're fucked in the head, and everything is all for you, and fuck me for caring and sticking around. fuck you for holding me down. we were the invincible ones. what went wrong?
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[ 7/27/2006 at 9 pm] |
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music |
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american nightmare |
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Sometimes I just want to fade away with no goodbyes or anything. I slept right through the yesterdays cause everybody was in my way. This is the soundtrack to saying goodbye. We are dropping coins into dead payphones to hear the sound of our voice, just to know we're alone. And it's beyond me Why people couldn't see we were the true meaning of beauty. Hhumming "love" with stiches in our hands
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[ 7/25/2006 at 8 pm] |
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i finally met someone so perfect for me and just to know in a month he's going to be farther away from me then he already is, is really killing me inside.
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sugacaine's journal